she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
