Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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