Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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