If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i need some magic done to my vagina
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
