My liver just broke up with me...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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