i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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