he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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