a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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