really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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