Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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