this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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