@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
