First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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