I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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