Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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