Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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