the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
