watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
