id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
