dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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