Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize