no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
