Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
