Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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