Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I wish there were birth control emojis
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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