Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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