I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The power of my boobs compel you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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