the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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