some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize