nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
