No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
