I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
