i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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