I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
