u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
