I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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