Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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