Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
