My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
