no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
