The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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