You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
