Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
