Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
