How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
