I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
