Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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