my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
