rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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