I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
