I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
