Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
