It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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