I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just invented taco cereal.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
