I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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