Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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