we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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