My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
only if we run a train.
done.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
