one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
