When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
