Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize