Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
