Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
