At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
