so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
