i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
