oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
