I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
