it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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