If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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