I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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